...is a beautiful thing when you're 16. Or 23. Maybe even 28. But at some point you have to look in the mirror at your 33 year old face and realize that you can't hide behind that word anymore. You can't wait it out or delay until the perfect opportunity comes your way. You have to step up. You have to lead yourself. You have to choose something to chase after and then go for it.
You've got to tell yourself the truth, starting with this little inspirational gem: your youth is behind you. The days of waiting to be "discovered" by someone else who will hold your hand and walk you through the minefield are gone. Thirty-somethings don't "get discovered" - no one is looking for you. If you're going to leave a legacy, make an impact, you have to make it happen. You have to care enough to move, because no one is going to come behind you and push you towards your destiny. Gandalf doesn't exist. Not for you. No Marines are coming behind enemy lines to save you. If you get out, you've got to want it enough to get yourself out. If you want to be heard, you have to stand up and scream yourself hoarse.
You have to decide what matters to you - what your life is going to be about. No golden book is going to fall out of the sky at your feet, no magical fairy is going to give you an instruction manual with a treasure map complete with "x marks the spot." You've got to figure out what you care about and then move towards that with all your resources, regardless of whether or not you are noticed or given any accolades for doing so.
It comes down to our ability and our responsibility to make choices. What I will choose might already be written in the book of fate, I honestly don't know. All I know is that the fear within me is real. The hesitation, the doubt, the gut-wrenching nausea is present with me whenever I make a decision, whether I'm just a pawn of fate or not. It feels real, and all the metaphysical stuff debated on epic television shows and self-important theology classrooms comes down to this: it feels real, and I have to make a choice. Now. I have to make a choice about what kind of man I will be. I have to make a choice about what kind of father I will be. I have to make a choice about the kind of suffering that I will try to ease and that I will fight to bring to an end. I have to stop paralyzing myself with doubt about whether or not I'm selecting the perfect option and just opt for the best one that I can see.
My life isn't about me anymore. It's not about what I can accomplish, whether anyone will realize that I'm a diamond in the rough and then raise me up to kill dragons or win glory or make a name for myself. It's really about three little boys who look a little bit like me. They're the ones with potential worth developing, worth coaxing into reality. It's about them learning early on to choose to act and teaching them to convert that potential into actions as soon as they are able. It's about not letting them cut corners, about pushing them the ways that I was never pushed.
It's too late for me to "become" a man. My "becoming" days are behind me. It's about "being" a man, or as close to one as I can be. In those moments when I don't know how to do that, then it's about acting like a man. Making choices to do what a man would do, and letting the history books remember me, or choose to forget me, however they want.
3 comments:
I see you. I discovered you. I love you, and thank you for being a man for me.
I know why you have written this, my son; I understand what you are saying. But you, my boy, are a man of great potential yet. I believe this. I KNOW this.
You have potential for GREATER godliness... for the discovery of PRAYER's POWER... for showing the way to God to your sons... for being a LIVING EXAMPLE of Christ to your wife and sons, your extended family, your church, your world...
And you have incredible potential in ministry... What lies ahead of you, should Jesus tarry, is far greater than you have allowed yourself to imagine, because God knows His purposes for you, to BLESS you and make you a BLESSING. You may not see the details yet, but it will unfold in God's time.
Maybe no one will come along to "discover" you, but there is One Who has His eye continually on you for good, and for His glory. He knew you before the worlds were spoken into existence, and HE SAW YOUR POTENTIAL THROUGH CHRIST. He chose you, and He has not, nor will He ever stop working to make you everything His eternal purposes have designed.
Yes, be to your boys the means of discovering their potential, but never forget that you have a Heavenly Father Who will also be doing the same for you.
The reality check, my son, is that God sees your potential, and He will continue to take steps to help you discover it.
I love you, Toby. I also see your potential, and I believe in you, and what God is doing, and is yet to do in and through your life.
Don't misunderstand my point - it's not that I believe that I won't or can't accomplish anything important in the rest of my life (I'm still fairly young, I know) - it's that I can't and won't count on anyone to come and try to coax it out of me like they would some young kid.
If I accomplish anything, it's going to be because i acted like a grownup and went after it myself. i've got to motivate and drive myself, because no one is going to come find me and lay out the golden brick road for me to follow. Those days are past.
God has given me enough to do what he has called me to do. Of course, I can and will need to continue to grow - but I'm going to have to do that for myself. No one is going to come alongside of me and coach me into that. I've got to feel the prodding of the Spirit and go for it - or not.
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